my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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