I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
