that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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