we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
