he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
