I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
