I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
