i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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