just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
