He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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