i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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