Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
