his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize