I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
