u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
