Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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