i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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