i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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