Cold hands, warm shart.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
