trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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