I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
