therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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