i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
