I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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