Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
