I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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