Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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