...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
