someone get that fucking seahorse.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
