how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
