hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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