Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
