Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
