Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
