dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
