just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
