i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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