Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
