I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
