What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Drunk is not a location!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
