The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
