kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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