So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
