He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
