I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
