How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize