You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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