three words: i give head
three words: not that well
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
