It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
