Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
