he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
