Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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