Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
