perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How external is "for external use only"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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