dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
