I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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