I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
