if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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