Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
