I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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