How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
