and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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