My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
