I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
