Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
