Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
