I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
