I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have fence marks all over my body
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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