let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
