Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
