God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
